I tend to believe I’m a thoughtful person. I try not to hurt people’s feelings, even if it’s someone I don’t particularly care for. What’s been bothering me is when people don’t listen to me or pay attention. This in no way refers to Mark, that man has the patience of a saint and deserves a medal. I’m talking about the many many people who I know I’ve talked to and who know I’m leaving, who know when I’m leaving and are still like “oh, when are you leaving?”. It’s not just one person either. It’s really annoying because I’ve gone out of my way on many separate occasions for these people. And they can’t even remember something I’ve told them and posted on my Facebook? It makes you wonder why you consider them friends. I am one of those people that give and give and give and end up getting disappointed more often than not. I had been feeling sad about not seeing some people any more but the past 72 hours have been changing that feeling to one of “well, that’s done”. Damn, I sound like a little emo teenager, but this blog is to vent.
Archive for August, 2010
Well, I’m only a week away from becoming a (temporary) Southern belle. Most items are packed up, trying to get all the loose ends taken care of. Mark’s also hard at work down in AL, trying to finish everything up there before I arrive. Not as easy for him as he’s also working 10-12 hour days. It’s a bit unnerving when he’s not “together”. I’ve always referenced him as my “human Xanax” as he’s very calming- he is truly my balance. So trying to be there for him as he always is there for me. Finding it odd to think that the dynamic of our relationship will change so drastically in just a few days, but I’m so incredibly excited…
You know that point when you just get pushed too damned far? I reached that point about 7 times today (Saturday) and then got pushed another country mile past that. I am so grateful for Mark being my balance, for always helping me find the better part of myself.
It’s been some time since I posted. Stomach virus knocking me for a loop. Had some good and less than endearing chats with Mark. Damn the military for nearly killing all his sensitivity. Still, knowing we’re working towards our future brightens my mood.
For anyone who’s never been in a long-distance relationship, let me just tell you: it can be very, very difficult. Factor into that one partner being in the military and it just adds another level of stress. Mark told me not too long ago that he feels I am a strong, smart beautiful and humorous woman. How can you let him down once he says that? How can you tell him that sometimes you’re so scared you want to cry and there’s no real reason why? That you want to cry when you hear about soldiers being killed in Afghanistan despite his having come home safely? That I’m avoiding packing because it’s just so overwhelming? So you just keep going, let him think you’re capable and not ready to burst. Sigh.
We found out today we’ll be moving to Montana either in December or January. I’m very excited about it, despite being so far away from my friends and family. I think it’s really the idea of us starting our life together from scratch in a new place. While it’s not a warm place, sparing us from shoveling snow, I’m excited to explore. We’ll be near Glacier National Park, we’ll be near Lewis & Clark museum (I think…) and I get to get ANOTHER job. Again. Uff. Ultimately, as long as I’m by Mark’s side I will be happy.
Short post today. Love: I am accepting the fact that Mark loves me unconditionally. It’s really kind of scary, it’s even scarier than loving him unconditionally.