I’m feeling far better than I did yesterday. I overthink, I stress myself out, and I subscribe to self-doubt far too much. Realizing that I am still having a hard time accepting that someone as wonderful as Mark really does love me, and there is no “catch”. I’ve had some pretty bad relationships in the past, and I’ve had some people who have used me in the past, as co-workers, friends, etc. You would think it would be a welcome change, but it’s almost just as hard as dealing with the hurt. You wait for the rug to get pulled out from under you. But that’s not going to happen. I’m trying so hard to keep myself from sabotaging this, from pushing Mark away with my insecurities. He is a far better man than I ever dreamed of having come into my life.
November 16, 2010