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Archive for February, 2011

Time is cruel

among other things.  I was just on Facebook, and decided to look up an old high school friend. I had an art class with her, and she was one year ahead of me. She was dating the mascot (his name was Joe, and he was our “Running Redman”). Her name was Stephanie and she was a very positive, sweet and encouraging girl. She took time to listen to me and we became fast friends. I was excited to serve as an usher at her graduation ceremony as a junior so I could participate in the day with her and several other upper classmen friends I had made. We lost touch after I graduated high school, having seen each other a few times here and there, but I always remembered her kindness and her grace, which made her seem much older than she was. Those of you who have FB know that when you search for a person, it also brings up an internet search, and I saw there was an obituary for her. Not wanting to believe it was true, I clicked on it. There was her beautiful, smiling face, which I hadn’t seen in 17 years. She married, and had 2 young children. And she’s gone. I’m still fighting back tears as I type this.  Apparently, she suffered some devastating seizures and I am glad she’s no longer suffering, but wish she never had been through any of it in the first place. I hope her husband and children can find solace and peace. I wish I could tell them I still remember how kind and encouraging she always was, well before she was a wife and mother.  All I can do is to live the way she lived, with grace and encouraging others to live their best life.  I miss you, Stephanie. You were my friend for just a few months, but you will be in my heart forever.

The positive side

I guess I’m making up for lost time here, in these last few hours. Just had a few thoughts while I was in the shower. This TDY has been rather difficult for me, but you have got to find the positives in every situation. So I am going to list a few things about separation that are not as bad:

  • I don’t have to wait to use the bathroom. In Alabama, we had 2, not the case here. So it’s nice not having to wait or put the seat down.
  • I get the whole bed to myself, or at least what is left after the pets get in with me.
  • I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want. Nasty bad-breath causing food anytime.
  • Shaving my legs? What for?
  • I don’t have to watch The Speed Channel
  • Sweatpants and t-shirts everyday
  • I’ve been able to work on my crafts and feminize the house

Don’t get me wrong, I miss Mark and can’t wait for him to get home. But, dwelling on him not being here and moping isn’t doing me any good. Gotta be positive. Hoping he gets me another shot glass to add to my collection!

I hate feeling needy

I really don’t like being the weepy, weak, pathetic girl waiting at home for her guy. But a lot has happened since Mark left for his TDY that has knocked the wind out of me and I feel like I can’t get my feet back under me. My parents had to put my 16 year old dog down and that same day my father was told he had a mass on his liver. The “mass” turned out to be a benign cyst, but it was still an extremely frightening time. My grandmother has been sick with a rattling cough since Thanksgiving and her doctor is thinking it may be heart failure.  A very dear friend had an abnormal pap result and now needs to have a biopsy. This is in addition to the tv breaking, my car trunk latch malfunctioning, the gate in back breaking and Mark’s dog almost running away as a result. When I lived in Ohio and Mark lived in Alabama, I never felt this helpless, this pathetic. But, I suppose with everything that’s happened, I should give myself a break. I know it will get better. I start my job next week, which will certainly ease the loneliness, and it will make the last month of his TDY fly by. It’s times like this that make me so very grateful for Mark, for my friends and for my family. I wouldn’t be able to get through any of this without them.