this is the post I had hoped I would never write. This post is me, tail between my legs, declaring to the world that the man I loved so much, the man I gave up everything I knew for, broke my heart. I will spare you the details, but there was a lot of lying, refusal to get over the past and some emotional abuse. I’m back home, with my family. Leaving Montana was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I made wonderful friends out there and learned so much about myself. I suppose I am thankful for everything now, even the pain, as I have discovered life sets you on the path you’re meant to be on. The reason why things happen isn’t always clear immediately, but I like to think my future is starting to come into focus.
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Feeling down lately. Exhausted from work, and it feels like for every step Mark and I take forward in our relationship, we take another 2 backwards. I’m extremely frustrated and I am wondering what to do.
among other things. I was just on Facebook, and decided to look up an old high school friend. I had an art class with her, and she was one year ahead of me. She was dating the mascot (his name was Joe, and he was our “Running Redman”). Her name was Stephanie and she was a very positive, sweet and encouraging girl. She took time to listen to me and we became fast friends. I was excited to serve as an usher at her graduation ceremony as a junior so I could participate in the day with her and several other upper classmen friends I had made. We lost touch after I graduated high school, having seen each other a few times here and there, but I always remembered her kindness and her grace, which made her seem much older than she was. Those of you who have FB know that when you search for a person, it also brings up an internet search, and I saw there was an obituary for her. Not wanting to believe it was true, I clicked on it. There was her beautiful, smiling face, which I hadn’t seen in 17 years. She married, and had 2 young children. And she’s gone. I’m still fighting back tears as I type this. Apparently, she suffered some devastating seizures and I am glad she’s no longer suffering, but wish she never had been through any of it in the first place. I hope her husband and children can find solace and peace. I wish I could tell them I still remember how kind and encouraging she always was, well before she was a wife and mother. All I can do is to live the way she lived, with grace and encouraging others to live their best life. I miss you, Stephanie. You were my friend for just a few months, but you will be in my heart forever.
Wednesday was my day off- not that I was able to enjoy much of it. I did get treated to a pedicure by my mom. That was the most relaxing part of my day. The rest of the day was spent getting my car title put in my name, getting new license plates, having the oil changed and trying to find shorts. Why is it so hard to find normal length shorts anymore? They’re either hoochie-mama (1 or 2 inch inseam) or they’re bermuda length, which hey I may as well just wear my capris. And why is it that the people who need to wear the bermudas are wearing the hoochie mama shorts? The girls and women with the big thighs or droopy asses? I purposely do not wear shorts shorter than a 5 inch inseam because things just aren’t as high and firm as they were when I was 23. However, moving to Alabama (106 with the heat index) requires me to have shorts in my wardrobe and I got rid of almost all of them. I went to 3 different stores and couldn’t find anything beyond hoochie mama’s, bermudas or excessively heavy fleece workout capris. I want to look nice, I’ll be near the base my boyfriend is stationed, I don’t want people he knows/works with saying I’m a pasty large-thighed woman, or that I have some sort of sweat disorder. And I actually do put a lot of thought into my outfits 6 out of 7 days a week. I have a feeling I will be a sore thumb in Alabama, but maybe I’ll be proven wrong. I was getting aggravated by the time I got to Kohl’s, so I did what any aspiring fashionista with a gift card does: buys skirts marked down to $5. Skirts and dresses have become my friends these last few years and I’m impressed by their versatility. They also help eliminate that terrible problem of the legs of the shorts “cutting” into your thighs and did I mention no cameltoe or ninja foot? So, I guess that’s my fashion tip: switch to skirts, but please wear the correct size/ length. Ok, I really need to go to bed.