This post is in response to “another blog” and while it might be childish, I need to vent:
All your posts about how wonderful he is do not erase the memories of all the lies, nor does it change the fact you two were plotting behind my back. You broke girl code, accepted sloppy seconds, however you want to term it.
Those posts also do not change my happy memories or history as it truly happened instead of the version you receive. I will always remember choosing that house you now sleep in, meeting the family you now claim as yours, being called “Auntie”- not just my name. Driving across country, through near-tornadoes, ice storms and fog banks. Gaining new friends who would take a bullet for me. Discovering new things I never knew I would like. Riding my bike on the trail you run on. Doing housework as I loved to take care of “my man”. Learning new aspects of a profession I have been in for years. Taking Moxie to the dog park. Discovering what is truly important-which isn’t traveling, tweeting, wine or making myself seem interesting. I was instead becoming tougher, stronger, fiercer.
You are correct in your posts, Montana is a wonderful place. It gets in your blood and when you are truly part of the state, as I was and am, you stay there even after you move away. I hope my ghost in that house and state linger with you.
Through all of the pain, I did learn what I do and do not accept from a relationship. Mostly I learned I deserve so much more than lies, cruelty and less than half of his heart.
Mark and I are both dating other people now. His new/old girlfriend (dated her before) has a blog in which she loves to post every. single. detail. about how happy they are and how fabulous their relationship is. I get a feeling that, much like my blog used to be, it’s a front to convince the world that things are better than they really are.
That being said, hey, maybe they will work out this time. More power to her. I’m not wild about the insistence that they are just the greatest couple ever, especially considering the less-than-honorable rekindling of their relationship, but hey if it’s working for them, bless them. All the tweets and posts in the world cannot change the truth or my memories.
this is the post I had hoped I would never write. This post is me, tail between my legs, declaring to the world that the man I loved so much, the man I gave up everything I knew for, broke my heart. I will spare you the details, but there was a lot of lying, refusal to get over the past and some emotional abuse. I’m back home, with my family. Leaving Montana was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I made wonderful friends out there and learned so much about myself. I suppose I am thankful for everything now, even the pain, as I have discovered life sets you on the path you’re meant to be on. The reason why things happen isn’t always clear immediately, but I like to think my future is starting to come into focus.
… and it will be a short one ( I think). I’m inspired by music this time around. I cannot tell you the last time I actually listened to Linkin Park. I know they were in heavy rotation when I was dating my abusive ex. But listening to their song “Waiting for the End” and a couple of lines really standing out: “The hardest part of ending is starting again”. Talk about appropriate right now… especially for me and Mark going to a new location, and getting over some extreme tension and hurt feelings. The second line is “I’m holding on to what I haven’t got”. How many of us are doing just that??
So, we’ve got a house, we’ve got each other, what else do Mark and I need, right? Actively looking for a job despite not yet being licensed as a pharm tech in Montana. That should be taken care of shortly, and then I can apply hooray! We’re now assessing what will and will not make the move out there, Mark’s currently seeing what would be cheaper for us in regards to having the military move us or doing it ourselves. Need to get myself some better cold weather gear as my down jacket is approximately 20 years old. Glad to say the road trip went pretty well, Mark and I did not kill each other and finding a house really helped ease a lot of my anxiety. I seriously stick out like a sore thumb there, what with my tunics and leggings and fashionista tendencies and everyone else in their fleece pullovers and cowboy wear. Yeaahh… good times coming up for sure!!
it’s been far too long since I’ve posted. There’s been a lot going on. Mark and I have been making the house look a little nicer, and getting ready for our move to Montana. There’s been some tension, too, which we’re still working through. I must say, he’s very very patient and loving, for which I am so grateful. But it is funny to me the way men and women can view the same situation so completely differently. We are going on a road trip at the end of the week to Montana to look at some houses. Looking forward to it. The time together more so than the 34 hours of driving. One house we’re going to look at is really nice, so hoping it’s still available once we get there. In fact, going to double check the housing site now, to save myself some disappointment.
It’s finally raining here in Alabama, which it hasn’t done for some time. At least not since I moved here nearly a month ago. Makes for a very lazy feel in the house. Mark’s taking a nap (we had even more medical drama this weekend with him) and I’m out in the living room completely vegging out, which is no good. I at least could be reading. And there is laundry that I need to put in the washer. C’est la vie. Went out with Mark’s friends for dinner last night, it was nice- friendly people make for good company and I could certainly use the help in figuring out the whole “military wife thing”. Other than that, not much to report. We’ll be looking at housing in Montana soon, so our next obstacle is what to do with the pets while we’re gone, as my cat is high-maintenance. Good times.